One Month

One month ago today I started feeling sick. Congrats to me! One month down to never be repeated ever, never, ever. I celebrated this morning by dry heaving and then eating a piece of pizza shortly after.

In all honesty, the more time passes, the easier it gets. Not that the nausea has lessened by any means. I think it just has to do with the fact that I've forgotten what feeling good actually feels like and the days are starting to blend together. And I've realized (for the fourth time) that I'm not going to die if I do the dishes or shave my legs. I may just throw up. And that's okay because it does give me a few minutes of relief.

Some days are better than others, some moments are better than others. Just this past Monday, I woke up feeling pretty darn good. I made it all the way to the Jelly Belly factory in Fairfield for the tour. (Nevermind that my motivating factor to get there was that Fairfield has the closest Chick-Fil-A). I was so proud of myself for getting out of the house and having a good time, and actually felt like a good mom for taking my kids somewhere outside of our small compound. I haven't felt that well since, but it gives me hope that it will happen again.

I've also discovered that I have short windows where I can get things done. If I eat something heavy and wait ten minutes or so, I have about a twenty minute window to shower, clean up, do whatever needs getting done, or just lay on the couch feeling pleased that my stomach isn't going to turn itself inside out for a little bit.

Justin was out of town from Sun night to Wed night. To pass the time when the kids went to bed, I would watch old DVD's that friends have brought over. (Remember, we don't have TV? I've debated getting it again, but I refuse to fall back into its snares even for a situation like this.) So, I was watching 'Princess Bride'. (If you haven't seen it in twenty years like me, you should watch it again. It's pretty funny.)

It was almost over and I knew I had to eat again, but I just couldn't bring myself to shove one more thing down. So, I held off...translated, it got much worse. By the time I actually got off the couch to find something to eat, I stood hanging on the freezer door, resting my head on the inside shelf while I decided what to grab. I went for chicken nuggets. I literally gagged on each one, hoping that it would stay down, which they eventually did. And calmed my stomach enough that I was able to fall asleep.

So, some moments are gross, some are fine, some are good, and some I hope to never repeat again. Anyway I look at it, it just means one moment closer to never having to feel like this again. Woo hoo!